I just deleted the start of what was going to be a dramatic post about why I cringe at my posts. Then I needed to take out the trash, and that gave me the opportunity to reflect and I saw that I was definitely going to cringe at my post.
Taking out the trash just saved me a cringe moment.
My lastest cringe moment, which I would describe as an existential cringe moment, up there with existential dread: it was realising I wasn’t really that good of a song writer, and the 3 songs I had completed in my life to a “published stage” were really not very good.
The post I deleted was going to delve into why I post at all, and why I ever was inclined to seek in the first place. There was death, abuse, suicide, and what not involved.
I thought that was a good place to start, as it was accurate. I can only say that I appreciate that your ongoing efforts, and perhaps I would more would be useful if, nope, skipping why I started seeking properly (the death and what not), to the crux of what you linked me in on: cringing at one’s posts.
Cringing is so very normal. Most people are cringing all the time. What I am posting about is the use of “narcissism” and “vanity” being conflated.
My understanding, from being heavily involved with actual NPD and a lot of learning, is the common understanding of narcissism is way off base in terms of the reality involved.
But, instead of taking my word for it, perhaps the word of a self described sociopath and grandiose narcissist (he says he ranks off the scale on both tests):
Prof. Sam Vaknin. https://youtube.com/@samvaknin?si=yeHzk6XOHiUbK7nz
Well respected (?) , i am not sure, he says so. But the point this: when my last girlfriend displayed unmistakeable symptoms, I deep dived this guys videos and it was so spot on, that it removed any anger of mystery.
Why is that relevant? Well, I noticed you last, or second last post was how much you want to be free from this “narcissistism / vanity” . I assume that was the aspect?
It may pay to understand that an actual clinical narcissist doesn’t technically have ann ego, and is thus not vain.
Sam Vaknin describes the development of the disorder as the result of the child being objectified. In this, the child never develops beyond 2 years old, as a psyche.
Relevance? Not sure. However, it was very instructive to me to have the “real deal” explain the clinical and his own respected (?) opinion of how he became that.
As of now, I am not aware of any cure for NPD or ASPD.
I am not calling you either of these things, I have always enjoyed your posts, for exactly the opposite reasons: very considerate and thoughtful, and I have always been very impressed with the care you show people. But while you are considering the subject of narcissism and “vanity”, perhaps the latest information would be beneficial.
By the way, “vanity” used to mean something very different to its modern meaning. Once it meant “meaningless and ineffective “ as in “vanity of vanities, chasing after the wind”
I will leave this message at that.
Andrew