What I see is that I transferred me “fear of god” which I was born into, to a reverence of “the universe “.
I couldn’t validate and value my own life, because of this. Iike the billions before me, and contemporary to me, revere some higher power.
The universe, is not a “higher power “. It’s down to earth. I just so happens that this iteration “sucks.” It is “down to earth” crap.