Hi James,
The older I get the more I see the gift of age. It’s a gift in that we no longer have any significant reproductive value, and we can easily see that survival is not really an option.
I credit this years strange type of success to age, preserving, and the kindness of strangers here. Mostly likely not in that order, and most likely not even accurate! Haha
You have had a really rough ride with health. That wasn’t something I was aware of at the time as I wasn’t paying attention. But, now I know about it, you can “lean into” it.
How ‘you” are not going to survive, but far more importantly the gift this gives you.
Richard talked about “death” being a constant companion. (Not sure if those are his words, or my paraphrase).
You can relate now, without any doubt, the terror he felt on that river in Vietnam. The immediacy of impending and unpredictable doom.
You have felt it.
So, now you know that the terror is really just a fact; you can die at any moment; then it’s really now whether we can embrace this moment as truly the only moment we are ALIVE.
(This is me convincing myself as well, it’s been a constant theme with me, how to emotionally accept my own fear, and just be that fear, and thus, chose to enjoy and appreciate instead!)