Hi Vineeto,
This was something that I have been considering in the mix of everything else I have been thinking.
I tend to write with some thought when posting publicly, but when doing so privately, it has less consideration. So, I end up using this public forum as a private diary, to leverage my greater sincerity when writing publicly. .
I determined that it was necessary to change that, as reacting to posts, especially yours, is a poor way of proceeding.
One of the things I have noticed over the last while, since recent re-committing to this endeavour, is just how ‘I’ am like a psychedelic trip, without any of the fun visuals! Indeed, most of what is happening isn’t being carefully thought through, or planned. It’s swirling around, with convincing but later on, unconvincing conclusions, with proliferation of theories and such making clarity hard to have.
One habit I have noticed, which I did in my excessively worded unilateral declaration was to tag on an equivalence of ‘my’ subversive nature, with the subversive nature of actual freedom. As if, I am somehow going to achieve this endeavour without changing one of ‘my’ most cherished attributes.
Wild Hail Mary stabs at trying to short cut the method have not worked.
The primary feeling/belief seems to be ‘me’ becoming impatient every time I made even the slightest progress. Which is obviously ridiculous , as I would spend months and years doing very little towards being sincere about progressing into territory where I would have to change.
The cunning is obvious. Make no progress, ‘I’m have zero objection to that, make some progress? All of a sudden ‘I’ am all about saving the world etc!
Funny, if it wasn’t so darn awful being a ‘self’.
Cheers
Andrew