Thanks Vineeto.
Emphasis added.
This was also a reason that I “blew up” the other day; a pride in doing well, and being proven to not be doing so well, when something relatively minor happened.
I don’t like the reactive way I am going about this at the moment. I see my normal thinking habits are changing, but there is a fear now of “what’s next? What tiny annoyance is going to launch me now?”
The fear is losing. Losing what little success I have, in a moment.
I am going to ponder this point and see what happens. I don’t see an option to anticipate another trigger, a preemptive strike, as the future doesn’t give clues because it doesn’t exist, yet.
It really seems that it’s a matter of bravery. Walking happily into the unknown, not knowing what the next “stubbed toe in the dark” is going to be.
My thoughts have been coming back to what the ultimate aim is. As in, actual freedom. Thinking out loud, there are going to have to be mistakes. Experiments. Or I will be meandering around in feeling good, rather than mooching around feeling neutral, but no closer to activating greater naïveté.
Without PCE experience and the understanding that comes from that, a lot of what we talk about, or I read about, I have to take as a premise, rather than a personally verified fact.