read all your responses but got sucked into the holiday hubbub and never responded. i’ve been applying the method pretty diligently these past few weeks
my previous focus had been on just giving attention to every moment regardless of what was coming up. but no emphasis on appreciation. this resulted in me feeling like coming to the present moment was a painful experience a lot of the time, and avoiding it
now i emphasize savoring it. even in the presence of pain, i find aspects of whatever is happening to cherish. it makes the pain much more manageable. and it’s led to me taking better care of myself which has reduced the bodily discomfort i’ve been experiencing
i get hit by waves of emotion. i don’t try to wrestle them down but i don’t indulge the narratives either; the root cause often reveals itself once the feelings subside. pretty interesting. while riding the wave of somatically experiencing the emotion i enjoy my breath, and study what the feeling actually is. i’m starting to see the addictive cycle for myself
i also see fear. silly irrational fear, like fear that if i become entirely ok with myself and i don’t need other people emotionally at all, then i’ll wind up entirely alone. that it’s my codependency that keeps me likable.
amidst upwellings of fear and sadness and mania, my baseline has become pretty much good. i think i can be ok even if i’m sick. but working on retraining my brain to appreciate whatever’s going on seems like it might actually physically help my illness too
i will keep applying the method. i feel like i love my life again. i feel so curious to know myself deeper. and grateful that i can return to a grounded appreciation within myself again and again if i keep reminding myself to