Today at around 9:30am PST I received news from Dona that Alan has passed away. I’m going to keep this short because I don’t have many details, but Dona has asked that I pass along the news.
Thank you for letting us know. This is not what I was expecting at all.
I’m not going to pretend that I am actually free. My feeler cried.
Thanks, Ed. Thank you, Dona.
Cheers to you, Alan.
It’s hard to believe that death happens so quickly at the end. I experienced this when my mother passed away this year, also from cancer. One night she was alive, certainly not fine but breathing and heart beating, and the next morning she was no more. I remember thinking all it would take is another breath or another heartbeat and she would be alive again.
Whatever plans we may have, whether we want to or not, at the end the universe ends us when it will. It’s not really up to us.
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Death was one of the main things that set me on the course for all this actual freedom stuff. A close family member died young and I remember seeing very clearly that this is it, this is all we got. I had a burst of wanting to live well, for myself and for everyone else - while we could!
Alan was here - well, on slack - when I first came into actualism, as far as I can tell he’s been around encouraging people and trying to keep things going for a long time. He was a wonderful part of this universe.
I appreciate you all, this is all we get!
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Yeah, let’s get to work on this freedom thing once and for all. Cheers to you Alan.
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Obviously this is unexpected news for everyone considering the activity Alan was having on the forum and the meeting he planned… Maybe more for me because on the 11th we had a short test meeting with him and Dona as he wanted to check out the admin/controls of Zoom…
Despite it being late at night for him (Dona even woke up for the test) he was very animated and in a very good mood. We tried out the different features of the application and talked about various things…
Moreover, until today at 8:08 am he was asking things related to the meeting. His last message said that he had put Dona also as admin just in case and that he was going to be out most of the afternoon.
So I assume that something completely unexpected happened… Surely Dona will let us know in due course…
About 20 years ago, looking for material on UGK I came across Alan’s Journal. That’s how I got connected with Actual Freedom…
What can I say…
May the testimonies we leave in this forum do for others what Alan’s testimony did for me: serve as a bridge to a method that can radically change a life for the better; and thus bring humanity closer to true happiness and lasting peace…
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Thanks everyone. I don’t know how to post here, it seems I can only reply.
Of course, with the “cancer” it is assumed death will be soon… But he was feeling so much better… enjoying each moment! it was such a shock.
All I can say about it is that he went exactly as he would’ve asked to go (and maybe he did). He had an excellent Chinese meal that he said many times was very good, and he was happy he was able to eat again (he had been having problems with that).
He was getting things ready for the zoom meeting (he was very excited about it) and he started coughing up blood and then he was gone within minutes. I did CPR while waiting for the emergency team… They were here quickly (though it didn’t seem quick at the time!) and they worked with him for at least 30 minutes but he never revived.
Idk how to use discourse, so if I don’t reply properly let me know how to do it.
Miguel, maybe I can figure out how to make you a user/admin so you can use the zoom room… It’s paid for!!
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Certainly, Alan would never let death interfere with his zoom call experiment.
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I would like this to be what each of us experiences tomorrow.
Sitting with friends, utterly relaxed and noticing that there was no personal agenda whatsoever, no plan to stir the conversation into a particular direction, nothing to emphasize or hide, no self-centredness or favouritism, no shame, shyness, embarrassment, no power or drive – just being as I was. Sitting in this group, as one of many, my sole interest was that everyone present (including me as one of those present) enjoyed themselves/ obtained the maximum benefit from our meeting.”
(Apologies to Vineeto)
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Thank you for your kind report, Dona…
I’m kind of glad then that it happened like this…
Yours is exactly the way, because we post with “reply” (except when one creates a new topic as @edzd did with this one, using the button in the main screen)
I appreciate it, but I don’t know how to do it… maybe between all of us we can organize a new meeting soon…
It doesn’t have to happen if no one takes over admin. That was Alan’s experiment & in that sense we all are engaged with our own ‘experiment.’
The main thing is, as always, enjoying & appreciating.
@Dona, thank you for coming here and telling us. I hope you’re well, it sounds like quite the experience!
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Thanks for that Felipe!
That’s exactly how he lived his life… To the fullest to the end 
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For me what causes me the most grief is that he died without ever having become actually free. And there is nothing anyone can do about this now. Although the universe is infinite and eternal, our own particular lives are not… we don’t have forever to wait.
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I remember meeting Alan and Dona a while go for what was always a very memorable day for me. Meeting Alan I was immediately at ease, here was an individual so sincere and well meaning, living his life exactly how he wrote, having so much fun. His openness and honesty particularly was forever lodged in my memory.
He was a living demonstration of what I was aiming for. I know that the last thing he would wish for is for his fellow human being to be sorrowful so I will look at this as a reminder for myself, that we are all a missed heart beat away from death. That we only get one chance to find out what life is all about. That waiting only leads to more waiting and that we must actually do it in this lifetime as this body.
Cheers to you Alan 
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Indeed, Cub933. Alan wouldn’t wish this for his fellow human beings (to be sorrowful). In fact, his last words to me were “LOL”… but the last (non-zoom related) question was “What are you waiting for Gabriel?”
Alan had a way of asking others the same questions he was trying to find experiential answers for. It took me awhile to understand this about him; and why it sometimes triggered me.
Claudiu, the exact thought came to me, that Alan died without ever having become actually free; however, I never could tell what excited him more, the idea of becoming actually free… or of having his questions experientially answered by one of us. Alan often mentioned that his desire to help others achieve actual freedom may have distracted him from his own freedom… he was aware of this.
One thing Alan frequently expressed (just recently too), “The best thing you can do for me is to become actually free.”
I don’t feel this expired with his death… if anything, I’m more committed.
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I’ve been there, giving CPR to someone i loved, how 15mins goes on forever, and the world is never the same.
I said to Alan many times, when i was otherwise telling him off, that if i enjoyed my life half as much as he did, i would be doing really well.
I am very glad he had you, and enjoyed all your adventures. I am crying now.
I wish i could tell him off, just one more time…
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Thanks @Andrew . I know you can relate to my situation. Alan never took offense to you “telling him off”, he always knew where it was coming from. Go ahead and tell him off whenever you feel the need
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