Hi Vineeto.
It’s really hard to know where to start. I’d rather keep it informal. I’ll start by saying I’m really happy you’ve been participating here. There have been things you’ve written here that have really hit home. In particular, comments that point to seeing for yourself how silly it is to waste this moment feeling bad when this moment is the only moment happening. And how getting back to feeling good is the first step and a necessary step to seeing that aforementioned silliness and how this moment is the only moment happening. There is no other moment then this, right? I can’t think of one.
My experience of late has been rather wonderful. It may be an ASC. If I were to call a PCE foreign then that would be clue. Because that would be impossible. PCEs aren’t like that. Nor are EE’s or IEs. This I know from experience. But examining my objections while being temporarily free of my normal anxieties did lead me to a place that seemed both foreign and a lot closer to the actual world than I am normally. I thought that foreignness might be an objection a lot of us have. And I was keen on conversating about that if anyone was interested. And if not then I was happy just putting it out there.
Leading others astray didn’t occur to me. I didn’t think anyone would make any conclusions. When I think about that, a person sitting in a chair reading my words, I can’t imagine them taking what I wrote and ignoring their own PCE(s). And if they haven’t had one yet then I can’t imagine me saying “unreal” would cause damage. Maybe I’m wrong. But as of now I just don’t see how I can have that effect on anyone else.
The actual world is pretty foreign when you’re not in it. When you still have access to all your anxieties yet see a world where those anxieties don’t exist and it’s like well i can stay here or go back - i think some interesting thoughts occur, some conversations can take place where words like unreal and foreign are bandied about. But maybe this an ASC.
An objection must remain, right? Otherwise, I’d have immolated, no? I think living without fear is an objection I have. I think the danger of having no fear is the objection. However, the foreigness I described has lessened. It feels more normal to have this level of reduced defensiveness, this level of reduced boredom, this level of assuredness that everything will be fine, this level of reduced responsibility and neediness. It’s still not totally normal though. I’m not used to thinking that everything will work out and I really don’t need to worry. That other people are their own people. Like they are over there living full lives without me and my projections over them aren’t actual. Those projections are real but not actual. (I’ve been contemplating that distinction quite a lot lately and I can talk bundles about it) I’m used to thinking that I have a role to play in other peoples lives and I really should play that role as well as I can. I’m not used to feeling that such roles are unnecessary and that me being me will work out just fine. I’m not used to thinking that money won’t be an issue. If I need a new source of funds sometime in the future, if this current source drys up, I’ll go and find a new source. And if there are no jobs or I’m disabled well shit, no master plan I start executing now will make that situation markedly better. And such a situation is pretty unlikely anyway. It’s just different thinking like that. And I think that’s still an objection. Maybe I should worry more. Ya know. If I don’t worry then christ shit might hit the fan and I won’t be prepared.