So I have finished reading the reports now, although the facts of my experience speak for themselves at this point it is still great to see that things line up.
There was a couple of things that stood out :
Devika is the only person who was out-from-control and permanently abandoned the whole enterprise of becoming actually free, because of stage-freight, using falling in love and Love-Agape to help her abandon it. (Richard, List D, No. 2, 16 Nov 09) and (Richard, List D, No. 6, #Irene).
It was a deliberate decision on her part to turn away for good.
Which means, being confronted with some occurring obstacle, which is part and parcel of investigating the human condition, is not the same thing as falling back to normal. It’s part and parcel of the actualism process as long as you connect back with pure intent and continue to experience that the brakes don’t work at the end of the “parenthesis” period.
This was a nice thing to read because it means that in making the decision to step out from control ‘I’ may have got myself onto a one way ride, one that is unlikely to end in anything but ‘my’ demise, considering this puts a smile on my face every time 
This question of ‘falling back to normal’ this is something that I can also confirm in myself, that it is a case of working through whatever aspect of the human condition is presenting itself, yet I have not been ‘normal’ since the initial change.
It’s as if ‘I’ dip into those patterns so that they can be fully experienced and unravelled, of course how else could the actualism process eventuate?
The other thing is reading @Vineeto now vs before, it’s funny that before I was projecting a phantom of sorts, one that was synonymous with authority. But of course Vineeto hasn’t changed between then and now, it was ‘I’ that changed. It is a propitious situation to have her as a target which we can all unequivocally and safely aim for.
Also :
You have come to what Richard called the “pen-ultimate step” in your actualism process – leaving humanity, i.e. giving up belonging. To maintain your sincerity you find that you can neither maintain belonging to the actualist camp nor the non-actualist camp nor any other camp. This realisation is naturally quite uncomfortable for ‘me’, both the instinctually felt need to belong in order to survive and the peasant mentality aspect of the social identity. Hence, of course, “it feels like I am doing something ‘wrong’”.
And this is what I find myself smack bang in the middle, it’s fascinating that abandoning ‘humanity’ means a movement towards pure intent, only pure intent. I always knew that this would eventually be the next step, it’s just that ‘I’ could not quite face the ramifications.
It seems the core of the resistance is essentially a fear of being seen as completely insane, and the danger this apparently presents. Although this drama is having very little credibility these days, all it takes is to turn and look over my shoulder, back to where ‘humanity’ is, for a reminder of what exists ‘back there’, then I gladly continue proceeding towards pure intent.
But I recognise this as the next step, to abandon ‘humanity’, to no longer have the ability to ‘fit’ into it, to no longer have the capacity to belong or even to relate to other identities, I can see in that direction there is only pure intent, also I can see that walking in that direction I might find that I turn back around to see the door back to ‘reality’ closing, how exciting!