Recently reading Geoffrey’s post regarding feeling good - Actualism flow diagram - #121 by geoffrey has clarified a lot of things for me. In a way what he describes is what I have been doing but I have not been able to put a name to it.
Also Srinath’s general advice to demarcate ‘being’ and continue moving towards purity (which we discussed on here a while ago) is talking about the same thing.
The way I experience it is that since I have been able to lock onto pure intent sufficiently the way I go about applying the method is primarily through allowing a movement into felicity/innocuity. This movement results in ‘my’ boundaries weakening until a purity that is outside of ‘me’ is experienced. This process happens in a spiral motion as I have mentioned previously, it is a back and forth from the depths of being with its sorrow and malice and then back into the purity.
The cool thing I am observing is that the spiral is still getting smaller and smaller. I can actually very well remember how much time was spent in the depths of ‘being’ a few months ago and how strong ‘my’ outlines were then vs now.
Actually thinking about this now it has gone past the tipping point, as in the purity is beginning to dominate and ‘being’ is now on the back foot.
The times when ‘being’ dominates with sorrow and malice are seen more and more as completely ridiculous. As in life is great but yet ‘I’ still compulsively seek to dominate, for no good reason at all. It is very much like Srinath’s writing on the Simple actualism page, like an addict wanting the last ‘hit’ of ‘being’, continually saying “just one more time”.
So there is definitely progress in that regard, the addict that is ‘me’ might be relapsing daily but the spiral is getting smaller. The one thing that is becoming clear however is that the spiral never ends until ‘I’ disappear. So this job will never reach a completion, in a sense that ‘I’ will never live in that purity completely. The last bit is unbridgeable. Claudiu’s latest diagram actually reminded me of this with the text explaining that all this is in the meantime, whilst one builds the utter confidence that self-immolation is the best thing he can do for this body and everybody.
But experientially this is as far as I know at the moment, I know by now that vainly fantasising about self-immolation and attempting to follow some step by step process will never work, it lacks sincerity.