So I’ve been looking at this bit that Richard writes in his journal :
“Other than the essential physical planning required for the smooth running of my day-to-day activities I have no idea at all as to what I want to do with my life … and this constant realisation is ambrosial”
I have been getting a flavour of what he is writing about here, of living life in that way. I have also been noticing in which way I block this.
This is actually something I have been chipping away for a while now so it is great to see some kind of progress now.
What I notice primarily is that this unconditional enjoyment which I was writing about yesterday is available freely, however it exists in a place outside of all ‘my’ plans, schemes, dreams etc, it exists outside of ‘my’ control.
Basically my normal mode is to project this shadowy grid of control over life, in it’s most basic expression it might be planning out how some future event is apparently going to happen.
Then there is this second mode, the ambrosial mode where the grid disappears completely, then I have no idea at all ‘where I am going with life’, there is a sense of not even knowing for sure what I will do or what will happen in the next second. There is an experience of this vast freedom to delight in the immediacy of this moment, without having any specific direction that has been pre-laid out, nothing at all to restrict this freedom.
I had a taste of this yesterday whilst watching tv and I noticed immediately that this is exactly what Richard is referring to, so it has given me more confidence to proceed and to continue demolishing whatever leftover plans, schemes etc that I have going, to dare to live life without a plan haha