Ok so since this thread - How to feel delight - #13 by Pman things have been progressing, it looks like I was definitely walking down some dead end for a while.
Realising the utter simplicity of the method has been such a blessing, so many things make sense now. For the first time in a month or so I have been able to get into states of excellence, to a place where things begin to get so soft and sweet.
For a while I was exploring the world of current philosophy, psychology etc hoping to find some ‘missing piece’ of information that would propel me further. What I realised now is that truly no one has been able to deliver the goods, that it is all pointing in the wrong direction.
The missing piece was actually the realisation that it is up to me how I experience this moment of being alive and this is way too naive to be encompassed by any ideology.
I can very well see how Richard was able to jump right into an out from control virtual freedom. He simply saw what he wanted to live and went for it. Whereas what I was doing was looking for some outside force that would do it for me, it is so obvious now that actualism does not promise, it delivers right now.
It seems I have been trapped in some kind of deterministic approach, believing that if only I research long enough that some piece of the domino will fall and begin to change things. But again that is waiting for something on the outside to change me. The answer is actually way simpler and more direct and all I have to do is enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive.
Is it really that I had to spend over 3 years to see this? 
Because it’s mentioned countless times, and yet every time I heard this advice I would somehow twist it and think “oh well but they can’t be talking about me, it’s different here”, or “they must be being tricky by presenting it in this way, overly simplistic, I will go the clever way (my way)”
I remember a bit in the questions and answers from Australia that summarises this - that we over complicate things because we cannot accept that peace on earth is truly this simple. It seems that I will go every possible route as long as it does not entail me having to do something, meanwhile the option to simply walk down the wide and wondrous path is here all along, each moment again.
What I have been doing, which somehow never worked before, is putting things in a very straightforward way to myself - Right now do I want to continue doing X (worrying, scheming etc) and essentially wasting away this precious (and only) moment of being alive OR do I want to enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive. Then it’s just been a case of skilfully shifting the gears so that this works optimally.
What came very quickly was a realisation of just how precious this moment of being alive is, in the past I always saw this kind of thing as some desperate coping strategy, getting most out of life before death inevitably comes. But recently I saw it as a fact, that indeed this moment is precious beyond compare because it will never happen again. There is not a single thing that could ever be traded for it and more often than not I am busy wasting it away for X.
There is something very interesting when I continue heading in this precious direction, something that Richard mentions when he writes (paraphrasing) that enjoyment and appreciation easily engenders dedication to peace on earth. It’s like we are all here and it’s so wonderful, how could I possibly allow anything but the best for myself and others for it is all so precious.
So I can see that the commitment towards self immolation does not have to be generated all by myself, it’s this ultimately precious quality that really leaves no choice.