Kub933's Journal

[Kub933]

Hi Vineeto,

@Vineeto

Now that you know experientially that the ‘controller’ “is completely superfluous/ redundant/ irrelevant/ outmoded etc.” – why not do it again, as in the previous ‘dress-rehearsal’, allowing, and thus ensuring being-out-from-control, to be open-ended this time?

That is a brilliant suggestion thank you! I think I was somewhat circling this but you spelt it out.

I also found the below very helpful to consider :

@Vineeto

Vineeto: The only way to counteract this falling back will be if you make the deliberate decision, when feeling excellent and experiencing pure intent comes along, to commit to living out-from-under-control from then onwards. When ‘Vineeto’ got out-from-under-control after many ‘ums and ahs’ it was delicious but a few days later ‘she’ fell out of it and accepted this as a matter of course. But Richard didn’t. When ‘she’ told him about it, he said jokingly something to the effect of “stand in the corner until you are back into out-from-under-control”!
So post-haste ‘Vineeto’ invited Peter into the bedroom and after some delicious intimacy soon was back where ‘she’ had been, and then was more watchful and determined to in fact stay out-from-under-control. It worked. It does need your active and decisive input – until an actual freedom happens, then you can’t fall back. (link)

I have been wondering today, why is it that this falling out happened for me, because I still can’t pinpoint any specific reason, it is just that seemingly after some time ‘I’ resume ‘my’ operations as the ‘controller’.

And today I started sincerely considering whether up until now I simply have not been ready/sincerely wanting to actually proceed into new territory / abandon the old. And I think the bottom line is, that this is it. Hence I have always found some way to scurry back to ‘normal’, and you have seen the many variations of this first hand .

So there is this fundamental unreadiness to proceed into totally new territory / completely abandon the old, and this fundamental unreadiness will then dress up in seemingly endless new problems or diversions etc

I think the reason I started wondering about this today is because I saw a glimpse in me, of that readiness to proceed into the new / abandon the old.

Hmm but then reading over that quote again, is it really that what has been missing is the - “It does need your active and decisive input – until an actual freedom happens, then you can’t fall back”. Because I do remember that once out of it I also had that approach of “accepting it as a matter of course.”