Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for your replies and your invaluable assistance throughout. This insight has taken the legs out from underneath ‘me’. It’s essentially arriving at the undeniable recognition that all ‘I’ have ever done in ‘my’ life is to go around with a microphone and shout ‘Me’, ‘Me’, ‘Me’ at each and every situation and circumstance.
You know actually I experienced no castigation or shame when writing about it, I thought at first “well that is the very narcissism in operation”, but it doesn’t appear so. It was just such a thorough seeing that action was the only response possible.
When I cringed reading that past correspondence it was because I could see ‘me’ supposedly describing a journey of a self-diminishing inclination and eventual altruistic self-sacrifice, and yet under the words it was ‘Me’, ‘Me’, ‘Me’.
And this seeing has been working away, the recognition that it was never the lack of perfection which was the problem, the problem has always been ‘me’.