Driving to London again so I thought I would do a little report whilst Sonya is behind the wheel. There has been so much going on recently that I don’t think I could chronicle everything but I will note the main things.
A few days ago I saw that the next step in the direction I was proceeding was to abandon hope. It took daring for sure, it meant no more “redemptive straws”, only extinction ahead. I found though that without hope, despair also took its leave. Without hope and despair to maintain ‘me’ I have found myself pulled ever closer to my destiny, which is more and more experienced to be right under my nose.
This is what is different now, that before the “no man’s land” was experienced almost wifh a hint of eerie, an alien land where nothing familiar to ‘me’ existed. Whereas now it is more along the lines of what Srinath wrote - that this magical (actual) world is our rock solid inheritance. So there has been a lot of wondrous contemplation along these lines as well as experientially coming closer and closer to the destination.
It’s funny that in the past I was so hell bent on trying to reduce actuality into a bite sized intellectual package, one that I could copy and paste here and there. But this is missing out on the main event, which is the actual living of it, and how could I possibly place all this wonder into a neat little package anyways.
There has been some choppy waters and ‘I’ have come in to spoil things here and there, but it seems I have been able to take all this into my stride and carry on proceeding, and things have only been getting more and more wondrous. In fact this what I am living now is so worth all that I did in order to arrive here, and not even as a step along some map but as a wondrous adventure in itself.
It looks like all the “rehearsing” I did over the past year was not a time wasted either, as I have been able to successfully orient myself in this new territory. But back then I did not want to be on the ride, the resistance was completely unpalatable. Whereas this what is happening now, I would not have it any other way. And it’s something that has to be lived, the wonder and the enjoyment and appreciation possible. As a side note I notice that this wondrous enjoyment and appreciation is anhedonic, which means that it can be completely off the scales and yet it can never be too much.
It looks like all the various things which could possibly be in place, are in place. I find no compulsion for the doer to come in and to try to force it to happen. As Richard said only the utter fullness can do it. What ‘I’ have left to do is to give permission (joyfully and wholeheartedly), to allow it to happen.