Since yesterday I have gone into some periods of naive enjoyment and appreciation, of delighting in gay abandon, it’s such an enchanted way of ‘being’ to experience life in that manner, it seems for ‘me’ this is as good as it gets.
There is a sparkle all around, there is no burden for ‘me’ to carry, and the whole world is as if enchanted, being here is fascinating in and of itself, it is as if I am in a fairytale.
In terms of ‘my’ benchmarks this is right up there, it is what ‘I’ want each moment again, exactly that.
Living in gay abandon is exactly the opposite direction to ‘my’ normal modus operandi, which is to be trapped in the cage of ‘my’ self-imposed worries, anxieties, dreams, schemes etc. And yet the option is available, at any moment, to go into gay abandon. I am intent on figuring out experientially how to take that option each moment again now. It’s not stepping out of the cave yet but it is dancing and smelling the flowers right by the exit 
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