Kub933's Journal

[Kub933]

Hi Vineeto,

@Vineeto

It’s wonderful you now have access to this flavour of “the wonder and amazement itself rather than any intellectual answer” . Intellectual answers are never successful in the long run standing against any onslaught of instinctual passions, whereas “wonder and amazement itself” are very potent and ultimately irresistible.

Yes and there is this other side to it in that I am quite an intense person in the sense that the “cogs are always turning”, and the problem when looking for intellectual answers within the real world is that I only end up chasing those various steeples which are never satisfying anyways, on top of the fact that they never lead anywhere. Whereas when allowing that mirificent flavour it is like my natural inclination to be fascinated finally finds home and here it can flower fully, because the possible wonder and amazement is endless in both scope and depth.

Then I don’t need to be looking for things to do, being here is that fascinating in itself, I remember this specifically when driving back from London the other day and looking at the vista all around, the trees have begun turning in colour and some had leaves that were almost red, other leaves were as if dancing in the wind in front of the car and we were comfortably making our way home with music playing. What Richard wrote then came to mind, that being here is an escapade in itself.

Even writing this I am amazed that such wonder and amazement is possible, and there was more because it was precisely around that time that an option presented itself to me, which was to allow this moment to live me. It was this naive wonder and amazement that made the option available, because ‘I’ was not required for any of this wondrous happening in the first place. I can understand why it has been written that “the sky is not the limit”.

@Vineeto

And don’t castigate yourself for your “endless stubbornness” – more than likely it’s not only the deep fear of venturing into the unknown but also the fear of leaving behind everything which is dear/ familiar to you and common to all. And the moment you dare to look the fear in the eye, acknowledge its existence and refuse to be beaten, fear will instantly lose a large portion of its power (because fearing fear is feeding it) and then you can look for the thrill of the adventure of a lifetime.

Yes I think you hit the nail on the head here, this is why I have felt like I sold out too, because pure intent has been experienced and yet I could not bear to proceed through that potential fear of leaving all that is dear / familiar to me and common to all. In fact this summarises my objection altogether, this objection / fear is what stands between me and that which I want more than anything.

So this fear of leaving the known behind it seems it can’t be gingerly walked around either, I mean that is what I have been doing for a long time with not much success. At the same time I understand from past experience that it is not to be pushed through in a sudorific manner.

I actually have some good idea of what needs to happen this time around, it seems all those prior failed attempts did provide me with some valuable information as to what not to do And you have also explained what can be done :

@Vineeto

And the moment you dare to look the fear in the eye, acknowledge its existence and refuse to be beaten, fear will instantly lose a large portion of its power (because fearing fear is feeding it) and then you can look for the thrill of the adventure of a lifetime.

and

@Vineeto

Yes, “never fully forget the experience” of “wonder and amazement”, tie a golden clew to it each time you experience it.