Hmm yes I have to admit that this is the case, even yesterday I was already thinking about this PCE I had 9 months ago where I glimpsed actual Sonya and how utterly extraordinary it was - and I have only just begun looking at intimacy! 
I can see that it would be quite different if there was not a neutral to go back to. Whereas right now it’s like oscillating between neutral and extraordinary experiences. Like I am running from something… I am running from that in-between where ongoing feeling good can take place. It’s weird actually I don’t quite know what it is. Even as soon as feeling good happens there is this inclination to take it into something extraordinary as opposed to just letting the feeling good sit there, feeling good 
.
I remember talking with Felix about this kind of oscillating, and it’s weird it’s almost like being addicted to that up and down motion. Perhaps because if ‘I’ just allow feeling good to happen then ‘I’ have nothing else to do.
I just observed it now, there is feeling good which happens and there is this almost fanatic need to ‘go somewhere with it’, like it has to be the launching pad to the next extraordinary experience, as opposed to just luxuriating in this feeling good for it’s own sake.
Ha so what seems to be the way to go, for now at least - is to just have feeling good without moving in either direction, this in itself is interesting to allow, not what I would normally do…