Kub933's Journal

[Kub933]

Hi Vineeto,

Thank you for your reply, I agree with the main thrust of your message however just with regards to the below :

@Vineeto

Then you attempt to overcome the gulf between the real world and the actual world by convincing yourself that “‘thing-in-itself’ is completely and utterly an illusion”. The reason I wonder if this ‘seeing’ was anything more than a red herring is because until you become actually free ‘you’ are very real, passionately (and cunningly) so. As you contemplated yourself in your next message

There was no convincing myself, those 2 words came to mind and then the seeing happened as a result of a fascinated attention - this is the most accurate way I can describe what happened. Perhaps it appears that way as I wrote about what happened after the fact and was trying to make sense of it.

But the main thrust of what you wrote I can see - in that I have been side-stepping those uneasy feelings around intimacy. And an imagined flight into ‘actual intimacy’ is how I can kid myself that something productive is being done, whilst those feelings remain unresolved.

So it is more that I need to go “through” rather than “around”.

I am seeing where the thing with the sex drive is coming into the picture, it’s because I am unable to be intimate (due to those uneasy feelings that I have been avoiding) that I go for the high provided by the sex drive instead.