It is interesting to begin to look at the sex drive, I think I always knew that sooner or later this would need to be put under the microscope but I was somewhat delaying it, perhaps hoping it could be retained instead.
First of all it is quite a powerful thing! And of course this makes complete sense as this very drive is what got this body, that body and every body here in the first place. It’s actually quite fascinating to look at it without the lens of morality but just to have that powerful drive sitting right there and to see what it is all about.
There is the side to it which I am addicted to, which is what provides the high. It is like a rush of energy, but it is not like fear which has a negative hedonic tone, it has a more positive hedonic tone. I think this is likely why I have been unwilling to consider giving it up, it is more like a ‘good feeling’.
But the main point is what Richard titled his first journal entry - If one is driven by some force, no matter how good, then one is not actually free. In that it is the driven aspect of it which is the dirty part and the fact that the drive obscures my attention to a point where actual intimacy is not possible.
The inklings I am getting are that it is about locating that which is better than the sex drive, not better only for ‘me’ but better for all.
Actually it’s kind of funny that I have come a full circle, for that was ‘my’ very first area of exploration (which I wrote about at the time on a forum) when I dipped into actualism at around 19, that drive it was more like a monster at that time 
I wonder how much of a stumbling block this will be for the younger cohorts of actualists.
There is this other part to it which I can see, which is that blind nature does not care for my happiness and harmlessness, in that as much as I may be addicted to the high I did not choose to be born with such a drive dominating my life. It is not that I am a victim in a helpless sense but more that blind nature does not discriminate and it does not care, in that each ‘self’ is automatically programmed to blindly survive and reproduce. This is like the complete opposite of being an individual, the opposite of autonomy - which is what I care about the most.