So for a while now I have been in talks with my mum about various aspects of the human condition, the specific situation which has brought this up is some personal problems that have come about for a family member.
We actually covered a lot of ground and today she messaged me with clear demonstration that she has seen through the “trap of compassion”. Which means that she no longer feels responsible/obligated/driven to help the family member, and that now her help is offered without an agenda. It was quite amazing that she has been able to suss this out!
But the main thing that caught my attention was something she said at the end. That this family member has the right to be happy in whichever way they please.
This got me wondering about the difference between the “pursuit of happiness” and the goal of being happy and harmless, why is it that 1 fails and 1 delivers the goods? Because this idea of “trying to be happy” has been around for a long time and has been applied by many well meaning people, so why is it that it fails?
It clicked then that it is the harmless aspect which provides the stable element to one’s ongoing enjoyment and appreciation, there is no other way. What happens when ‘I’ set out on the quest for ‘my’ happiness is that ‘I’ inevitably gravitate towards the good feelings and these can include a variety of things - Love, compassion, pride, authority, desire, even aggression! These feelings will initially provide the illusion that ‘I’ am succeeding in ‘my’ quest, they are feelings of a positive hedonic tone and so there is immediate gratification, ‘I’ am hooked.
Of course this is all a self-centred and tunnel visioned involvement, caring and consideration is thrown out the window as ‘I’ become passionately driven for another fix of ‘my’ good feelings.
And not only is it that those good feelings are unstable for ‘me’ directly, they are also unstable on an interpersonal level. This “pursuit of happiness” cannot provide happiness 
as it inevitably stirs up conflict. It actually fails on all levels, it cannot sustain an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation for ‘me’ and it cannot sustain an ongoing peace and harmony with others, and those 2 things are closely linked anyways.
Of course the end product of such “pursuit of happiness” is driven, self-centred and tunnel visioned identities trying to “get theirs”.
But this can be solved so easily, one only has to add this very important element which is that the goal is to be both happy and harmless. Now this harmlessness has nothing to do with morality, or with sacrificing one’s happiness for others etc. No this harmlessness benefits all, it benefits others of course but it also allows for an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation for ‘me’, it wins at all levels. If ‘my’ goal is to be both happy and harmless then ‘I’ will very quickly notice that the good feelings hurt both ‘me’ and others so ‘I’ will not continue travelling down that path which leads to nowhere fruitful. With the focus on both happiness and harmlessness ‘my’ vision opens up from the previous self-centred and tunnel visioned approach, ‘I’ become caring and considerate. With the focus on both happiness and harmlessness ‘I’ notice that only the felicitous and innocuous feelings deliver the goods, that they are the only ones stable enough to provide an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation for ‘me’ as well as an ongoing interpersonal peace and harmony, and as above these feed between each other.
This has clicked big time now, that it is the goal of being happy and harmless that delivers the goods, it delivers the goods for all. This has surfaced some aspects of ‘my’ life where there has been exactly that drive for “my happiness” and I see now that it is completely a dead end. It not only fails for ‘me’ but it fails for others too.