Hi Vineeto,
Yes this glimpse of what it would be like to only have 1 direction left to travel it happened yesterday and it reminded me of a writing from Richard where he compared a PCE to an experience where one travels deeper and deeper into a rainforest, until one comes across this “hushed stillness”. So this is how I saw it, as if I would walk deeper and deeper into that wonderland until the way back to ‘reality’ is lost and there ‘I’ would loose ‘myself’ too. It was very very wonderful and I realise this is what I deeply desire.
What I found most desirable about it for ‘me’ as ‘I’ am now is this aspect of having lost ‘my’ way back to ‘reality’. That it would be out of ‘my’ hands as there would be nowhere left to travel back to, only deeper into the wonderland.
I went on a wonderful drive just now to buy some steamed buns for dinner later as Sonya’s parents are visiting. I had this question running and it seems I couldn’t come up with any answer, rather the more I contemplated it the more wonderful the world around became, and there was this aspect of a “hushed stillness” that was as if just on the outside of ‘my’ periphery.
So as ‘I’ am now ‘I’ want to loose ‘my’ way back to ‘reality’. I have been discovering how to remain naive more and more and now I want to discover how to forget ‘my’ way back to ‘reality’ altogether.
Initially it almost seemed like a “naughty thing” to be doing, to proceed into the wonderland whilst everyone else is ‘back there’ - but I don’t think this is the reason.
Then I considered whether it is the fear of ‘my’ death, I do notice that often what pushes me out of naive enjoyment and appreciation is something to the effect of what Richard called - grasping at redemptive straws - but I am not sure about that one either.