Hi Vineeto,
That all makes sense, I just want to address this quote you included:
There is an implication here (maybe unintended) that I was fooling you (and others) by “reporting something which is not the situation”, and I want to affirm that this is not what happened.
Here was my initial report which you accepted as concrete evidence that I was now living an out-from-control virtual freedom:
There actually not much in the way of descriptive experiential detail there, other than “that agency is now in the hands of the universe and not of ‘me’ anymore”. A lot of stuff could be experienced to be that way though, of course, especially as a (temporary) excellence experience also entails that “out-from-control” aspect (link).
Here’s what I wrote the very next day to you (emphasis added):
So here I am accurately relaying my experience, which is evidently one that is full of fear, and asking you (someone who experientially knows better than me) if it still lines up with living an out-from-control virtual freedom?
From the quotes you provided just now it certainly doesn’t seem like the person writing this report is on the other side of “that enormous wall of fear”, but rather, hasn’t traversed it yet? And how is such large quantities of fears to be squared with “being so close to a PCE as to be barely distinguishable” …?
In any case your response was that “you are not like you used to be and the brain itself, not just the feelings, needs to rearrange itself to accommodate to the new way of being in accord with your realisation that you are not actually in control anyway” and that it’s “a big shift”, i.e. confirming that what I wrote continues to qualify as being living an out-from-control virtual freedom. (link)
You also gave advice to “allow what is happening without letting yourself slip back to the old familiar ways”, which is interesting in comparison to Richard’s quotes here where he writes as an "irrevocable commitment" and “a point of no return” and “an inevitability thus set in motion” which would indicate it isn’t really a consideration anymore that one has to not let oneself slip back.
I was always very clear about my continuing doubts, I wrote this on July 1 (emphasis added): “The main doubt I have about whether what I am experiencing can be called out-from-control virtual freedom is due to the following: […] That is, I wouldn’t say I am consistently feeling excellent per se, as I have been feeling much fear which is not pleasant by the nature of what fear is.”
I even wrote how it ended on July 9th: “Tuesday (July 9th) while falling asleep, I experienced an oddity […] as I went throughout the day, it seemed that the magicality wasn’t consistently there any longer. I’ve become increasingly sure that this is the case, and the best I can do is pin-point it to that weird July 9th shift-like feeling while falling asleep Tuesday.” (link) and started again 8 days later: “On July 17th, at some time during the day, I noticed that the new way of being out-from-control was happening again. It has been consistent since then, just like before :)” (link)
I even wrote how then, later, on July 29th I experienced “a bit of a speed bump” (link) which on August 8th I clarified “has turned out to be more of a derailment […] during which I have certainly gotten to the low levels of feeling bad and terrible and upset” (link) and on August 18th I wrote to you how “I have not been able to get back to out-from-control” (link)… which you later on September 3rd affirmed “I would still classify you as being out-from-control for the whole time” (link) despite these frequent gaps.
So if (part of) the conclusion is that I have somehow fooled you (and others) by writing inaccurate reports, then I demur, this is not what happened.
As to what did happen: well, it’s tricky. You were well aware of all these quotes and what it was like for ‘Vineeto’ and others to be living an out-from-control virtual freedom and how Richard described it, yet when you read what I wrote, you did not see it as being disqualifying. This means there is something to it that is more than just what is in those quotes, since if we just do a straightforward textual comparison it’s clearly not the same thing.
But then again… it’s “irrevocable”/“an inevitability thus set in motion”? Ok but Devika lived it for 13 months (link) and then she revoked it, this didn’t disqualify her 13-month period. It is “so close to a PCE as to be barely distinguishable”? Ok but ‘Vineeto’ had an out-of-control panic period, this didn’t disqualify ‘her’ virtual freedom… and was the entirety of Devika’s 13 months really nearly indistinguishable from a PCE? (Maybe, I don’t know). Geoffrey told me he experienced it as a “constant acceleration”, but he later clarified he doesn’t consider adding this as part of the definition that Richard uses, since it seemed like Devika didn’t experience it that way for her 13-months.
So… what is it, what is an out-from-control virtual freedom? I don’t entirely know. The actual, strictly speaking, ultimately distinguishing “critical criterion” as far as I can tell comes down to what I wrote earlier:
the ascendant beer (which is also ascendant in temporary EEs) being “in full allowance of the benignity and benevolence inherent to pure intent being dynamically operative” [link]
In other words, the ‘dynamic’ aspect.
It makes sense with this being the genuine distinguishing factor that all what I wrote wasn’t disqualifying. Because one could (I presume) be being the ‘beer’ with ‘doer’ abeyant and experiencing all those emotions, feelings, and doubts (which are nevertheless very distinguishable from a PCE) meanwhile still being in full allowance of the benignity and benevolence inherent to pure intent being dynamically operative (just as ‘Vineeto’ was during ‘her’ out-of-control panic period within ‘her’ out-from-control virtual freedom period).
As far as I can tell, the ultimate test of whether one was virtually free or not may very well be whether the feeling-being experiencing it then self-immolated. Then we can look in hindsight and say, indeed, they were (although this did not disqualify Devika so it’s not just this).
As to what did change for me on that plane ride on June 23, 2024 (link)… something certainly did, but I don’t know how best to characterize it, exactly. I would not put it in the same bucket as “out-from-control virtual freedom” just to not water down the term.
What I will re-affirm and maintain is that it has been markedly easier ever since then to allow the controls to be let go of / to allow pure intent to be more dynamically operative / to get back to feeling good when not feeling good / to become more naive when not naive, etc. All of it is much easier and it most of the time boils down to just seeing/agreeing with myself that I want to do it, and then it happens. Part of what it entails is that it’s a lot easier to have EEs and IEs.
But it’s certainly not been an ongoing excellence experience by the genuine high bar that such an experience would entail. And it is certainly clear that explicitly and consciously aligning myself in the direction towards extinction, towards blessed oblivion, and reflecting on and contemplating the genuine benefit this will bring this body, and that body, and other body, brings me closer to allowing that last step of self-immolation to happen. Discovering that I was trying to put myself into actuality, was a big boost, as that was a big blocker to allowing me to fully appreciate just the thoroughness and totality of my extinction that it will entail.
So we could try to come up with something to name how I am now, or say well maybe it’s like somewhat or partly giving up of the controls but not fully, or this or that… but… rather than try to piece it together or name it or this or that, I will just self-immolate, and cheerfully manumit this body, and then this body continuing to be conscious can figure it out if he so chooses 
. In other words it is no longer my problem hahahaha. But maybe we should remove the link from the AFT site page lol. We can keep the pages themselves up without anything linking to it, if we ever do decide to call it something else later or whatever.
Cheers,
Claudiu