Kuba: Well as you wrote your reply just now Vineeto, I also typed out the below, so perhaps there is something there :
But when I consider why ‘I’ am not automatically a liker of my fellow human beings, why this is not ‘my’ predisposition as a persona. It seems because ‘I’ am scared of them? I remember as a young child I could not readily establish relationships in the way that other kids did. I would have some very close friends but somehow I could not readily interact and bond like the other kids did. It’s like I could see what they were doing but I couldn’t quite do it like them, I was able to copy and go along with these ways of bonding but it was something that I had to consciously work on and this took effort – hence ultimately I preferred to stay away.
It’s like I could play the game of being normal but I never intuitively felt to be normal, I didn’t believe it. (link)
Hi Kuba,
I appreciate your explanation how you felt/feel. It may well have been beneficial that you didn’t fall into the all-to-common trap of universal sorrow and then universal compassion. Now, for your aim of developing the altruistic impulse for self-immolation you can address the initial fear of having been unable to “bond like the other kids did” and move straight to daring to genuinely care (without emotional bonding).
Kuba: Thank you for your replies Vineeto, time to digest it all.
Ps yes I understand you are not hinting at me having autism in a medical sense but perhaps a predisposition that is slightly away from the normal.
I am pleased you understand and am confident you can make use of it.
Cheers Vineeto