So Claudiu thank you because for the second time now (the first time being the “rift” thread) you have helped me to re-orient. I appreciate your sincere persistence at getting down to nothing less than the facts of the matter, even if initially I gave some resistance 
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It’s interesting because I remember the thought (although it was more like the voicing of a deep commitment being made) just before the qualitative shift took place last year, it was - “I am never going back to normal”. And in that sense I got exactly what I wished for, because I have not been back to what normal was before then. But it was as if at the time I was looking to carve a place for myself right between reality and actuality, and that from there I would have a genuine shot at aiming for actual freedom - and again this is exactly what happened. I just remembered a meme by Elgin which is actually perfect to depict this :
So if we are looking for defining whatever this thing is, it’s whatever that picture shows 
But the point is that the commitment ‘I’ made (if such a thing even was the way to do it) was not to allow pure intent to pull ‘me’ irrevocably to ‘my’ demise. So yes it could not have been the genuine one way ride towards ‘my’ extinction, it could not have been a “full allowance of the benignity and benevolence inherent to pure intent being dynamically operative”.
Which means it does appear that there is something else yet to happen, which is rather wonderful!