OK a further report of what I can see so far. I woke up feeling quite ‘clean’ compared to how I usually do. However there is still a contrast which I find fascinating. The “contrast” is that the world around I could describe as this crystal clean prism which refracts light into various wonderful colours. And then there is what I would describe as a black/red “blob” 
which is the core of ‘my’ being.
So in the past this is usually where I would begin pushing, I would be somehow trying to push through this dark and stagnant energy. I can tell that those times where I am having those “extraordinary experiences” is when this dark and stagnant energy changes also, like the core of ‘me’ also becomes the crystal clean prism refracting into various wonderful colours.
That one experience which I wrote about a while back - about the world and myself being a jewel - it was the very height of this kind of thing.
This black/red blob or the dark and stagnant energy, this is the ‘normal’ which ‘I’ return to, this is the ‘gravity of being’. It’s actually really nice to be able to look at it in a way that is genuinely fascinated and without moving in either direction, this is the very core of ‘me’.
I can see that something will happen for this energy to change into being naivete itself. Right now I can see it, the looking is more innocuous vs what it was in the past, it’s a fascinated attention rather than a poking and pushing, which is what in the past elicited the screaming and kicking.
And this core of ‘me’ it sits there like an embryo, the energy it consists of it cannot be reduced or split up, what it can do is shift/morph in line with the perfection and purity.