Yes it seems that “standing still” or “doing nothing” is ‘my’ kryptonite 
. I cannot explain just how difficult this is for ‘me’, and I am not sure if this is idiosyncratic to me or not.
What I can say is that the past year or so I have been talking with my mum about this at length. For her it is much more extreme, a core theme in her life, we did discover a while ago that this impulse to ‘do something’ is triggered by a drive to survive. That she may be enjoying a walk for example and then this feeling will arise, it commands to ‘do something’ in order to gain security. This ‘something’ though is never here and now, it is always something ‘out there’ and so she is then off on another mission, another scheme, all the while constantly running on nervous energy.
I have had many conversations with her about this and now I can see that I am essentially doing the same thing! It is just way less extreme.
As I am now writing this there is a sense of calm and stillness all around and yet there is this need to ‘do something’, it is a command, a must, that ‘I’ deal with this thing ‘out there’. This drive it does not allow ‘me’ to simply enjoy and appreciate being here, the message is delivered with a sense of danger, that ‘I’ must obey for ‘my’ survival is at stake.
I wrote it just now in my notes and it is exactly that ‘I’ need to ‘do something’ in order to survive, that if ‘I’ “stand still” ‘I’ will die. Then I remembered that this is the goal
But ‘I’ cannot force ‘myself’ to do this, then I am going back to having ‘me’ screaming around and kicking against ‘my’ desire.
So perhaps there is something to be found here🤔 This fear of “standing still” - that it is dangerous, that survival is at stake, that something ‘out there’ demands ‘my’ attention, that ‘I’ must engage with it in order to maintain ‘my’ security. Now I might as well remove the scare quotes because the feeling is that a genuine danger will eventuate.
Looking at this thing whilst also allowing the possibility of no longer ‘doing something’ at all it seems to be in the right direction because it is where enjoyment and appreciation is - only enjoyment and appreciation.
So in this direction there is only enjoyment and appreciation but also this sense of genuine danger, of guaranteed death.