Hi Kuba,
Is it really so difficult to find a gift that will seduce ‘you’? It may only be difficult because what you are looking for has “to be big” in ‘your’ limited estimation – so big that you can’t find anything big enough equalling the ‘big’ value of your ‘being’?
In fact, it doesn’t have to be “big” at all but something you passionately care about.
What about giving Sonya what she always wanted, deep down – all of you, the actual you?
What about enabling peace-on-earth for one more human being with the untold and unforeseen consequences for a further spreading of peace?
What about being able to be of service to those who want to become actually free?
RESPONDENT: Thank you for the response Richard. I appreciate what you have written, and I have just one question about something you have said: of what possible service can you be, given that the PCE itself is my guide – and not you? (I ask this since it occurs as a human question timelessly worthy of clarification and not to subject you to undue resistance).
RICHARD: […] As for service: the reward for going to the very end of illusion and delusion is to emerge, unscathed, as the actual. The benefits of doing so are beyond price; to remove oneself from the invidious position of being betwixt sycophants and traducers, being one among many. The immediate bestowal of universal peace upon oneself is the benefit worthiest of acknowledgment. Yet, rewards and benefits notwithstanding, to have reached one’s destiny is to be of the ultimate service possible … the universe has been able to fulfil itself in a human being. Finally there is an intelligence operating unimpeded … blind nature has been superseded.
To live this is what service is. (Richard, List B, No. 25d, 29 Sep 1999).
I’m sure you will eventually find something …
Cheers Vineeto
P.S. Just imagine what problem the last unfree person on earth will have when there is nobody left who they can altruistically self-immolate for! You are still exceedingly lucky.