For me it is along the lines of… there’s really no ‘case’ to be made anymore. It is obviously silly to feel bad and sensible to feel good. It just does not make any sense to live this life and feel bad, why? Like there is really no reason lol. And yet I do still find myself treading well-worn paths, the tried & failed, so, there is something more to it.
But, it’s not clear exactly what… it did sink in somewhat deeply recently that ‘I’ will have to abandon everything I hold dear, all that I value, all my work, my relationships, my understanding of the world… everything will go, everything must go. But yet holding onto all of these things is precisely what the source of resentment is, of ‘having to’ hold onto and thus it being a burden too. So it’s like there’s something I value and don’t want to let go of, yet these things I value are at the same time a burden.
I suppose once I know exactly what it is then that may very well be it for ‘me’ haha. Perhaps more a matter of gently continuing to probe this rather than getting worked up about it. It is a puzzling state of affairs though …