I never thought about this point but it makes complete sense now, why pure intent can be difficult to grasp. It’s just a case of using the wrong tools, the ones we are used to applying to everything else.
Geoffrey’s leathery armchairs poem seems very apt here!
Pure intent is something I can never grasp with the tools of imagination, intellectualisation, conceptualisation or belief. Perhaps this is why it is possible to go through a period of ‘forgetting’ what pure intent is, like I did recently. Because once the experiential link is cut, then ‘I’ am left with those inappropriate tools again. Until of course the link is re-established and then it’s all so obvious again.
This bit especially stood out, I never noticed it before this way, but I see it now. The weight of the description itself, the word becoming holy, meanwhile the experience itself is never had, so what is the fuss all about lol.
This also I related to experientially, I do remember instances where reality is peeled so far back that to even engage with any real world dilemma seems impossible. How could you engage with things that seem so foreign now, so irrelevant that they are meaningless. It’s nice to read this and to see that it is a direction I have been moving towards. It seems at this point it is the only direction worth traveling in.
Actually it’s kind of cool that the solution to the human condition is not to solve it’s puzzle but rather to travel in a direction where it becomes so faded that it never existed.
Wanted to note down a particular quality that exists when the method is working well for me. Often when I am unsuccessful at applying the method, “I” am not willing to feel good. So I might rememorate an EE/PCE, or try to convince myself to feel good with various logics (“this is your only moment of being alive, so feel good. Why aren’t you feeling good???”). Here “I” am being very passive, trying to find the magic password that will allow me to feel good. If only I can say the right thing. Not only is this unreliable as a method to success, it’s a recipe for frustration. Clearly there’s some dissociation here as “I” am trying to act on myself. What is needed is an “active” approach (this is basically just intent, I think). Unless “I” am actively willing to enjoy my life, to have fun, a kind of “wooo let’s do this”, my attempts at the method will just be a façade.
Sincerity all the way! The question is how to make oneself sincere when one is not
It’s like looking for a technique for cultivating sincerity is the very antithesis of what sincerity is all about lol.
I remember a zoom we had a while back and someone was talking about defining sincerity for themselves.
It seemed to me like trying to turn sincerity into something that could be ticked off on a spreadsheet - ‘oh look I do A and B so that means I am sincere’ and I remember thinking ‘man this is the very opposite of sincerity’
It’s like I have these MMA shorts that someone gave me that say ‘you can’t teach heart’ it’s kind of like that but less dramatic haha. There is no exam I could pass (with the most sophisticated answers) that will award me my sincerity trophy.
Oh how about this tho! Sincerity is the outcome of being genuine, so what ‘I’ can do to get closer to sincerity is to continue exposing all that is not genuine.
It’s like sincerity is not something I can do, only something I can be, whereas the normal way is to do things (tick off boxes) that guarantee a certain status, eg I feed the poor so I am a good person.
And it’s the same with the method, that I can tick all the boxes, ‘do’ all the things I am meant to and the reward is nowhere to be seen! Because I was never being sincere in the first place.
I was just playing the game that I was taught - ‘do the right thing and get the reward’ - it was all for show, a performance.
Yes very true. Sincerity with regards to the obstacles preventing one from feeling good is a curious exploration. You don’t know the answer, so a step-by-step method will not work. Triggers and situations, though similar by theme, are unique in their specific occurrences. So what is bothering you at this moment in time needs to be looked at openly, rather than mowed down with an algorithm.
Yeah it’s quite fun to get down to the nitty gritty of these beliefs because this modus operandi of ‘performance for reward’ is the normal way we are taught to operate.
The interesting thing is how it links back to the belief in a god, in the ultimate authority that sees all your right deeds and will reward you suitably.
So I take this normal mindset to actualism and all of a sudden I am frustrated that my performances are not being rewarded, but there is no god in actuality so I am appealing to a piece of programming, to the hope that the right performance will have me rewarded.
I’ve wondered this about love for a while. Everyone sees the same proselytization of love in the media and by our society in general. Is it just me who got caught in the trap of believing that love could be my purpose in life? Everyone else seems to balance their love life and their main purpose just fine. They don’t seem enamored by the idea. It’s almost as if they already know that the media is just exaggerating everything, and you can’t really make a life out of love.
I’m at the point where I don’t think I can ever fall in love again. It has just proven to be a dumb idea with disastrous consequences for everyone involved. It just doesn’t work. It took hundreds of failed attempts for me to realize it. How does everyone already know this lesson?
I have some theories
some people keep trying with different people, they haven’t given up on the idea of love
some people keep trying with the same person, they haven’t given up on love
some people give up and stay single, they also haven’t given up on love (or maybe some have)
I guess not having an alternative like actualism would not allow you to give up on the exalted deity that is love
Yeah it’s like they know deep down the pitfalls of love but then without any other alternative they cannot abandon it, because then “life would be meaningless” and they would “be like a zombie” etc.
Then there is always that hope for ‘true love’ which keeps people hoping that things might be different one day, that they just haven’t met the right person etc.
It’s funny because really it is just shifting the goalposts each time so that love itself is never questioned, person after person is at fault and never love itself.
That together with the fact that love is so deeply woven into our culture it is a taboo to even contemplate abandoning it.
This is an extreme example but not long ago I saw a video of this man in Poland first shooting his ex lovers new boyfriend in broad daylight and then killing himself after, whilst the woman watched in horror. The thing is I remember the intense feelings of jealousy, rage, hatred etc that love always stirred up in me.
I can easily see how one could be driven to do something so extreme by love and somehow love gets pardoned every time. The person is seen at fault and yet any sane person can become as if possessed when these feelings are in full force.
Allowing love to run the show is basically leaving a door open for a hurricane of passions to blitz through. I guess that is why most people as they get older settle for a different kind of love, they learn to control it and work around it, but again if it takes that much effort to make it workable then why not just get rid of it lol.
Had a nice taste of purity yesterday, all by deciding that I’m not going to worry anymore. What became clear to me is that none of my problems mattered at all when I’m feeling great/excellent. So by deciding there was nothing to solve, there turned out to be nothing to solve . It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
I don’t want to delude myself though. Aiming for a clear and stable PCE so that I don’t need to convince myself about feeling good
For the past few days I have put everything on a it does not matter basis. I had been wondering why feeling good and carefree is supposed to be effortless but it’s not. Why do I have to go into a 15 min investigation to try to attempt to feel good. My recent foray into purity gave me the answer I needed. What actually happens is I become triggered and immediately “be” some feeling (worry/anxiety is prominent for me). I then immediately begin an investigation to determine the root cause. But I am still being the feeling, so this investigation is fraudulent. What I’m actually attempting is to get rid of the feeling. This is attempted suppression. Even attempting to “be” the feeling is to try to get rid of it. No, the reason I’m trying all these things is because I don’t want to feel it. So in order to feel it, I must stop trying to find the answer to my real world issue. Then when I stopped, the feeling became even more intense because obviously, fear is compelling me to do something. So when I refuse to go down that path, “I” become even more frantic. Now I can really feel the feeling. In a short time it subsides and the peace is evident.
Now that I’ve given up on solving my real world “problems”, the energy is not going down that path anymore. A caveat is that I say “problems” because they’re not really problems. By being fear or worry, I create “problems”. Real problems in your life do need fixing, but I often notice that an innate intelligence knows when a problem is truly critical. But again even if it is, feelings can muddy up the decision making.
I am noticing how I’m getting triggered by literally anything. And I am always busy solving bullshit concocted by the feelings. Now the “no matter what it is” is really making sense. I thank @henryyyyyyyyyy for giving me the final push to try this in his post the other day.
Tried very hard to experience purity yesterday, failed miserably. Just got frustrated and angry. I think it is not possible to force it. I take this goal-oriented do-or-die approach in the real world too, but even there it is less effective than relaxed, determined, focused effort. In the real world I usually make incremental progress and that keeps me calm and not panic (about failure). With inducing a PCE, it feels like you either have it or you don’t.
This morning after I’d calmed down I took a more gentle approach. I feel that while “I” cannot induce a PCE, “I” can get myself there, and create the conditions where one is possible. I recalled my own experiences of purity and its characteristics, and also read many of the PCE reports. What I’ve noticed is that PCEs are either spontaneous, or come as a result of emotional release on some issue. In my own experience this has been the case too. I cannot induce such conditions, but I can make it so that I am not driven by feelings, and if I am, to acknowledge this (and any underlying reasons) to create that emotional release. And also frequently rememorate the flavour of purity.
Careful with this one as trying to ‘not be driven by feelings’ can and will result in a sociopath-like ‘blankness.’ Instead, allow specifically felicitous & innocuous feelings and investigate all others
